Teenage Wasteland
by Yorsh Passangero
Summary: Love, Hate, Fun activities and lots of sarcasm. Behold how two universes collide, and unravel in this work of fiction.
1. We came, we saw, we ran!

**Author notes**:

Welcome to Teenage Wasteland, you must be wondering "gee, why doing a crossover between 2 series that have nothing in common?" I'll tell you. If you look closely, this 2 series have more coincidences than you think: both of them deals with teenagers and stereotypes, one in a real life mode (Daria) and another in full cartoon mode (TDI). The possibilities that the 2 universes creates are endless, and I'll humble try to do my best with the characters (largely not butching them… not that much…). Reviews are largely welcomed

**And now the legal notes**

Daria is a trademark of MTV Networks; TDI is a trademark of Fresh Inc., Teletoon and Cartoon Network.

This is a work of fiction, made without looking for profit, just for the fun of it.

Now, Onward with the story

* * *

"Well, that was something interesting" a girl said while she watched the credits of one of the most bizarre news show in United States, "Sick, Sad World", "after all the mistakes and misfortunes, Canada is capable of pulling a reality show that surpass any expectation that most of the networks here has with those shows that they try to force feed us" she added as she cleans her lenses with a tissue "and that's rather extraordinary, I must add".

"And you are surprised?" another girl who was lying with her head upside down in the edge of the bed also watching the same TV "our brothers from up north have that eccentric taste on the "what the hell were you thinking" department, do you remember that show? How was it called?" she tapped her chin with her right index finger while she smiled a little bit remembering the lost, but sociopathic wise hours lost in front of the tube "yeah… "Yapping at the Yukon" how do that network pulled that out for our viewing pleasure, I can't imagine it".

"it just need a decent law firm behind them, a cast of psych ward cases, and the never ending and relentless quest for good and cheap ratings" the girl with glasses stated matter-of-factly "but who knows, maybe the quest for the proverbial 15 minutes of fame tends to shut down the rational part of the brain, because, you have to have serious mental issues or being mildly masochist to stand 1 week in that place, let alone have a full 8 week stay" she declare in a deadpan tone while she stretched her limbs "I have seen Brazilian favellas that are more friendly than the set they use, those cabins are waiting for a mighty wind… or for the look of it, a small breeze to collapse, and don't get me started on the environmental hazards".

"Yeah; shark infested waters, bears and other wild life running amok within the show's ground and almost toxic waste in the same place… and they say that we are the freaks?" she said with a hint of sarcasm "crap, look at the hour" she uttered while she pointed to the wall clock right beside them "9 pm"

"I can see it, parental figures must be worried sick… even if they know that I'm at your home" The girl with lenses said as she stood up from the bed and went to pick up her backpack, she's wearing a brown t-shirt and black skirt, an olive green jacket and black doc marten boots. Her hair was brown and shoulder length, barely brushed, that gives her the "do I care how I look?" look that she doesn't care about it. "As usual, it's been cool to waste time with you" she spoke as she went down the stairs that lead to the first floor and the front door

"Yup, anything that can get you out of the Fashion Gestapo's biweekly rally at your home" the other girl retorted, she was wearing a black t-shirt and black shorts, a red shirt with the sleeves rolled up, black leggings and black combat boots. she had raven hair, shin length and some earrings "maybe we should give this show a try, who knows, it might show us a thing or two about humiliation and we could find a newfound love for all things canuck"

"yeah, we coo'ld use a noo' 'ccent to foo'l the police, eh!" she said with sarcasm "see you tomorrow, Lane" she said as she mock saluted.

"Yeah, see ya around, Morgendorffer". She gave her a peace sign and closed the door lightly and went up to her room, some amplifier feedback and a distorted guitar can be heard in the first floor as she opened the door of her bedroom. It can be called a organized mess, a bit of clothes threw in the floor to give it flavor and a whole group of paints and statues made of everyday products put in a deconstructed way decorated the room _Maybe it would be a good idea to see this show… Total Drama Island 2 , if the name lives to the expectations, it will be a nice train wreck to watch_ she thought as she took her paint brushes and some acrylic paints and began attacking the blank canvas before her.

* * *

Camp Wawanakwa, formerly an amazing summer camp that should bring fond good memories to generations past, now, an almost collapsing joint that should be declared no man's land. This was now one of North America's most recognizable places because of three simple words: **Total Drama Island**, the reality show that was a sensation overnight, showing that sometimes misguided youth can be interesting to watch. Last summer, 22 teenagers were selected to partake in what most of the critics thought that _"could be one of the season's not to watch show" _but they were dead wrong, the show had ratings that most of the executives dream and wish they shows have, a big part of the equation was that these girls and guys left all dignity at the entrance of the set and went into 8 weeks of weird contests, bad food and inadequate social contact that took the word reality to a new realm, the audience loved every second of it; they adored how love tried to conquer all, they loathed when one of their favorite campers got to walk the dock of shame and never to return, and enjoyed all the awkward situation all along. And behind this phenomenon was a person that can be labeled as a mad scientist or savior of the Canadian TV, Chris Mclean, host and executive producer of said show. He was the swanky host and a provider of tortures, "contest" he calls them, which took them and the viewers to watch in awe a jump from 1000 ft. to eating something that most scientists tried to call food, they passed from all the spectrum of tests that a human mind can pull out. And it seems that the audience at home will be able to witness all over again, because TDI got a second season, and no one is more exited that the host that is in the set.

"Hello and welcome to the first episode of Total Drama Island mark 2". Chris said to the camera that was positioned in a boat nearby, he was wearing his usual grey shirt, sneakers and khaki pants. "Since we ended the first season, the show has spread like the plague". he said as he gave the second camera that stood in front of him one of his trademark "whiter than white" smiles "from one side of the hemisphere to the south of the world and all around, almost 80 countries have seen how the Screaming Gophers and the Killer Bass, those 22 teens, had 2 months of love, hate, friendship and all the fun and healthy activities that we could provide them" he added as he started to walk out of the dock into the camp itself, where a director's chair waited for him "and the tons of mail and millions of emails that our network received in the course of few months make them take the right choice… they gave us a second season!" he cheered as he seated on said chair " and we got also a bigger budget to spend in this season, so that mean that you'll see more and improved tests that will blow your mind or blow our campers out, whichever comes first" Chris added as he looked happily to the cam, his hair looking perfect as usual and his sly grin at full mode "and thanks to the contracts that we prepared at the beginning of this show, we managed to bring back the original campers, the 22 of them, and they have arrived earlier in the day to our beloved Camp Wawanakwa, so what do you say if we peek at what are they doing right now?" he said as he took a bag of potato chips and proceeded to munch them with delight.

"Remind me to seek and haunt the lawyer that wrote those damned contracts" Gwen, the goth girl said as she rose from her bunk bed and stretched out "another season of torture, and we weren't able to do nothing to stop it" she hissed as she leaned her body to the bedpost right next to her.

"Relax, girl" LeShawna, one of her fellow camper and friend said as she patted her shoulder "if you can't fight them, at least enjoy it" she declared as she ordered her belongings "and at least we will be able to catch up, did ya forget how to text?" she added with a smile

"Sorry about that, LeShawna" Gwen stated "you know that it hasn't been easy for me after the season ended" she shuddered at the thought of the aftermath of the original TDI, hundreds and hundreds of girls and boys commenced to dress up and act like her, soon it started to became a fad. And for Gwen, that means one thing: isolation "now I know how Robert Smith should feel about makeup and eyeliner" he said with the faint of a smile

"Well, you can always remember good times" LeShawna said as she sat on Gwen's bed "like the one where Heather got her hair shaved, you can't look me in the eyes and tell me that you enjoyed that" she added as she remembered and a small laugh escaped from her lips.

"Yeah, those were the times" Gwen said as she sat down next to LeShawna "and I still use that picture to bring a smile" she added while she crosses her legs.

The merry mood that was installed in the cabin soon took an abrupt end when a staccato sound filled the ambient. "Hmmm… if my ears don't fail on me, I presume that you know who is about to make her entrance" LeShawna said as she frowned.

And as LeShawna predicted, there she was. Heather, one of the main reasons to see the first season, she had the whole package. A pretty face and a quick, yet deviated mind. How she managed to stay in the show and not be eliminated after all the schemes that she created can be labeled as machiavellism at small scale. She was what the TV critics called _"most hated contestant under the age of 21 ever, but that quality makes us wonder why we can't stop watching how she acts, a real social experiment being made in front of us, taken out of the high school hallways to our screens"_. "Well… look at this, weird goth girl and sassy ghetto girl reunited" Heather said as she let her suitcases in the floor and looked around, her raven hair now shoulder length "and I thought that the competition would become more difficult" she added as she glared at both girls.

Gwen just stepped up. "Funny that you think that, because if I were you, I would be worried sick to not be eliminated at the first chance" she said as she stood up in front of the queen bee. "And without allies or some other nasty tactics, you'll become the first one to be sacked".

"Besides" LeShawna added as she situated beside Gwen "all of us know how you roll, and if you think that you can fool anyone again, you're dead wrong".

Heather just looked at them "that was some sort of threat or warning? Because it doesn't work, just empty words and lots of attitude" she said as she slyly smirked, trying to prove her point "I will win this season, and mark my words both of you… no one will be capable of stopping me"

"Don't tempt me" LeShawna hissed "try something wicked and I'll make you regret that…" She stopped her threat as she felt a hand in her shoulder.

"Don't waste air on her, LeShawna, she's not worth the bad mood" Gwen calmly said to her friend as both of them leave the cabin "and who knows, if karma works ok, she will have a really bad stay… or getting mauled by a bear" she added with a smile.

"See? That's why I missed talking with you, white girl" LeShawna declared to her friend "no matter how screwed we can be, you manage to pull a smile on anyone's face… and talking about smiles, where's that street singer of yours" she asked as she looked to the rest of campers that were talking in smalls groups.

"That's a good question, I have seen him a lot lately, but now I can't see where he is right now" Gwen answered. _Maybe he's talking with Geoff and DJ, or somewhere else _she thought as she looked to the 19 other teenagers that will live with her, LeShawna and Heather in that dreaded camp. Her train of thought went to a halt while she heard someone else's voice in the background, Cody's to be more precise.

"Gwen, how have you been!!" the Tech-geek smiled and waved to her while she looked at him with a bit of annoyance. "It's been a while, Cody" Gwen stated as she tried to smile to him.

"Yeah! I mean, almost 7 months to be almost accurate" he said "and I haven't heard anything of you, which is bad, because I tried to reach you a few times…" Cody said as Gwen looked around for something or someone in the camp. _Not that I can't stand him, but he's like the little brother that I have right now, but with a infatuation on me… _she was abruptly taken away from her thoughts as she felt a hand taking hers and leading the way out of Cody's rambling.

"It seems that you need to get out of there quickly, even if the Codester is not a bad guy, he helped us to get together" Trent said as he caressed her hand "missed you, Gwen" he declared as she looked away.

"Yeah… yet past season he tried to get into my skirt or freaking me out, without avail" she said halfhearted "you jerk, you left me stranded in this island with Heather, of all people!" she said in faux damsel in distress mode as she hugged Trent "missed you too, Trent" and proceeded to kiss him.

* * *

"Wow, Linds, it seems that love is in the air" Beth, now without braces, said as she looked dreamily at the state of things at the camp. All the couples that survived the show and now are blossoming again, Bridgette and Geoff are making out like their lives were on the line. LeShawna and Harold are holding hands and talking with other campers, those being DJ and Cody, who entered to the conversation after being left talking alone. Noah was reading a massive tome while Ezekiel was trying to avoid Eva.

"Yeah, I mean… look at the camp" Lindsay respond as Tyler hold her hands and gave her a little peck on the cheek "everyone looks so happy and ready to participate, even Edward and Evelyn" she said as she pointed to the direction where Eva was chasing Ezekiel. "Get back here, you sexist twerp!" Eva screamed as she was running faster trying to ram the prairie boy. "No way, Eva" Ezekiel said trying to hold his breath and keep running "'nd I don't knoo' what did I tol'd or did to you to startle you that much, eh!" he added as he looked around for some place to hide.

"You violated my personal space, you sexist pig" she shrieked with disgust "You tried to touch me!"

"I did not!" Ezekiel said looking back "you pushed me by mistake 'nd after that yoo' went berserk on my neck".

"Now you're calling me a liar! One more nail to your coffin" Eva said as she pounced him… and missed to catch him by an inch. _Phew… who knew that being chased by a wild boar cool'd be helpful in this moment, mental note, not bring that up in any conversation…it could get me mauled worst than Cody, eh!_ Ezekiel thought as he tried to get some shelter.

"Yeah… I can see that" Beth said "even if Zeke said sorry to all of us when he got the chance, and most of us forgave him" she added while her eyes followed the trail that the home schooled boy made 'till sanctuary. "But as all people say _old habits die hard _…"

"Yup Yup" Lindsay squealed with delight as Tyler hugged her in a lovingly manner "Tailor, that hug was so cool, like, yeah..." Tyler chuckled at her girlfriend miscalling him, but he didn't care, that little trait made the relationship more fun. "But I have one question that has been bugging my mind for a while" the striving jock asked as he hold her girlfriend's hand "not that I'm a masochist, but why none of us looks at least anxious about this season, I mean… we did things that were insane, and now Chris and Chef have more budget" Tyler said with a hint of worry on his voice.

"He could create a vortex and send us into an alternate dimension where the humans are controlled by an all seeing eye who has them by the throat and obligated to do all of its commands… wait… we're in that place" Noah said with sarcasm as he joined the group "believe me when I say that the **tour de force at hell **that we took last summer will look like a picnic in the park compared with I think that he has in store for us" Noah let those words hang on his tongue, making his point clear. Tyler, Lindsay and Beth looked to each other in sudden realization and alarm. "Why are so sure about that?" Beth squeaked while she waited for the answer.

"That's simple, Beth, the lousy excuse for a host that we know got more budget, as our resident jock stated earlier. Ergo, the more money he has to waste, the more ideas that he can rip off of the Spanish inquisition archives" Noah addressed to them without looking "and that brings the ratings and more money from sadistic corporations and sponsors to waste and so on".

"So that means that we're officially screwed" Lindsay uttered in despair while she hardened the grip on Tyler's hand, making him starting to lose sense of his fingertips. "I would use those words, but this is more of a Damocles' sword kind of situation, so yes, we're beyond being screwed".

"Well, that explains the strange letter configuration at our contracts" Justin said as he joined the now growing group. "My modeling agency lawyer noticed it, if you look at the first letters of every paragraph in the contract it spells _"abandon all hope after signing this"_" he said as he showed them his contract with the letters highlighted in neon yellow, sporting a frown.

"Wow Katie, that's evil" Sadie said as she hugged her BFFL tightly. "I know, Sadie, this is worse than that time at the beach that those really cute guys and we forgot to bring an extra matching outfit" Katie said as she made the hug more tight, as if the world were about to implode and that hug was the key to stop it.

"Impressive" Noah stated with a smile "and I'm not referring to Katie & Sadie's beach predicament. I can't recall hearing you talk more than a few sentences, anti-me" he finished the sentence maintaining the same sardonic smile of him.

"Yeah, glad to be a box of surprises, but I'm still worried about the whole new season" Justin said as he went to a nearby tree and leaned his body on it "and I guess that most of you must be" not even his manly features hid the fact that this could be a whole new way to define torture, and this made the two BFFL to clung to each other more tightly.

A few meters away, other group of campers was having a similar conversation. "Any ideas on how not get killed in this season" Duncan asked as he was close to Courtney "because I'm not planning to end up in the sickbay". "Dunno, maybe duck and cover" a now looking for air Geoff answered as he and Bridgette joined their fellow campers.

"With Mclean and Hatchet? Those chances are slim to none" Gwen simply stated as she sat on a rock "now my only concern is to kick certain harpy out of this island before it's too late" she said as she looked at Heather's direction and shoot arrows and other imaginary airborne instruments with her eyes.

"Don't worry, Gwen" Bridgette tried to calm the tempers "all of us here have survived the challenges that Chris has thrown at us" she said as she looked to the people gathered with her, those being Gwen, Trent, Duncan and Courtney, LeShawna (who has let Harold go free for a while), Ezekiel (who had joined them while the coast was Eva free) and Cody (who just dropped in the group by inertia) "and about Heather, just wait for karma, you know that it works well and in time" she said with a reassuring smile to her friend.

"But after we end up our contractual duties" Courtney said "we seriously need to get a decent lawyer, especially you, ogre" She said while she elbowed Duncan in the ribs. "Wow princess, I didn't know that you cared that much about me" He retorted while he recovered the breath.

"No, but you need to have a clean slate if you'll be associated in any form with me" she hissed as she scowled and crossed her arms.

"Yeah… keep denying it" Duncan said with a sly smile which disappeared with another elbow directed at his side, courtesy of Courtney "ok… ok… I got it" Duncan muttered as he rubbed his sore ribs

"Guys, besides being sulking here, we should be happy that we got another chance to be together" Cody stated as he tried to cheer the other campers. "Yeah! That's the spirit, Codester!" Geoff jumped throwing a fist in the air "we didn't come here to whine and moan, we came here to have fun and PAR-TAYY!!" he said exited.

"Then we're in the same page, party boy" LeShawna said as she high fived Geoff "we don't have to be scared of anything that Chris could throw at us" she added as she lift Ezekiel up "you too, home school, past is in the past now".

"That's right Zeke" Bridgette added as she walked right beside him "you let that clear in that reunion party" she said as she giggled and said toque wearing boy went crimson as he tried to cover his eyes with his hat.

"Come on, Bridgette, you'll keep taking that oo't, I said I was sorry and all, eh" Zeke stammered as the others laughed remembering said party. "We know, home school, but it's so fun to tease you off" Gwen said with a sincere smile. "Besides, I have never seen someone doing karaoke in eight different languages, and you know that there's footage of it" Trent declared as he patted Ezekiel in the shoulders. "Thanks to Geoff's latest gig" Bridgette giggled as she remembered the latest spring break and the good idea that a music network took a small group of ex-campers and put them in Cabo Loco and other famous destinations for a week, all for good ratings and even better television moments. All of them shared a good laugh while they keep talking about all things non TDI.

Meanwhile, not so far away, the last group of campers also was deep in discussion. "Look at them" Heather said, looking at Gwen's group "so happy that it hurts seeing them" she added as she stuck her nose in the air in a snobbish manner. "dunno, Heather" Owen spoke "I mean, after all, all of us are friends or acquaintances".

"Speak for yourself, tubby" Eva stated coldly "the only thing that I have in common with miss congeniality here" she pointed Heather with her index finger "is that I came here to win".

"Guys, girls" DJ said as he stood up "I guess that we should try to get along, as Owen said, we all know each other and we should try to have a good time". Right behind him a green and red blur appeared and stopped in Owen's shoulder "Yeah! We need some serious fun, like that time that the RCMP chased me and I had to stay incognito in the States. In Princeton, New Jersey to be more precise" Izzy said with one of her wicked grins.

"Great, the hose beast returns" Heather fumed as she crossed her arms in a defensive manner. "and the return of the unbelievable stories of hers…" she was stopped by the sound of Izzy's voice "… and there I met this great doctor, even if he looked like he were ready to shovel a thermometer up someone's neither regions, but he has a great heart, I helped to solve a medical mystery, it was an spleen infection, and that provoke severe kidney failure to the patient, you should have seen the way that he found the solution and found that I was pretending to be a nurse" she added as she went down of Owen shoulders and started to mimic said doctor mannerisms _"you're too smart and too young to be one of the staff nurses, 'sides, I presume that you'll leave in the same way that you entered this Hospital, cackling like a mad girl and running"_ her voice was raspy and caustic _"if you need help, I'll give you recommendations, or even better, you could pay a visit to the Dean of the Hospital… down the clinic corridor to the left"_ she ended while she pretended to walk with a bum leg and a cane.

Everyone went silent for a few seconds, looking at each other in astonishment after Izzy's tale. "WOW!!! Izzy is amazing!" Owen screamed while he gave her one of his bear hugs. "Gosh, you should teach me how to sneak into restricted places, which would be a great addition to my list of mad skillz" Harold said as he high five her.

"Teehee guys, you flatter and flat me at the same time" She cackled with delight "I must be the luckiest girl in Canada" Izzy said as she let herself enjoy Owen's hug.

"God… I'm surrounded by morons and nut jobs" Heather said as she slaps her forehead in disgust, but before someone could say any other word the old and rusty PA system made that screeching sound of it and certain voice with a gnarly accent spoke.

"Weeeeelcome back to camp Wawanakwa, campers!" 22 groans were exhaled at the same time from different locations "we have lots of good old fashioned activities, but now I need all of you in our lovely amphitheatre, so move your butts pronto or I'll send security to sic you, hehehe" The handsome host added as he watches how the campers goes to their destination via TV screens on the production trailer.

* * *

"Ok, he said that we should be here in a hurry, yet our daring host is not in sight" Gwen muttered while all of the other campers sat down on the bleachers, which looked the same as they saw them last season; filled with mold and splinters and ready to collapse at any minute. A ragged piece of cloth serves as a curtain which covers the whole stage.

"Maybe he had one of his hair problems or something like that" Beth said from a nearby bench "I know that I would hate to appear in TV with a bad hair, even if he has a black hole instead of a heart" she added as she relocated her lenses.

"Wonder how you manage to get out of your farm everyday" Heather mocked the farm girl, and said response went quickly, in the form of a wet piece of paper at terminal velocity, with crash course at the queen bee's head. "Quiet, you harpy" Gwen said as she glared Heather, and vice versa.

"Gwen, that was amazing" Trent muttered with amazement. "Where did you learn to shoot that way?" he asked with a mix of curiosity and apprehension. "You should know, young grasshopper that I have a little brother and that's a part of having one, to learn the preteen guerrilla code… _"Wet paper, noogies and Wedgies"_"she said with a smile.

"Hmm, that explains a lot" Trent holds her hand in a reassuring way "the more I learn of you, the more that I fall for you" his eyes sparkle with joy, her eyes meets his… and a cough ruins the moment. "That's so cute… yet it drops the ratings, who knows" Chris Mclean states as he makes his entrance in front of the makeshift curtain. "Sorry about the delay, my victi… I mean my campers, but we had a small technical problem which our crew fixed right away"

"Don't tell me" Noah didn't even bothered to look away from his massive tome "you had problems with those hair products… or something even worse, did your face fell out of your head, o cruel Chris?" He declared with a crooked eyebrow appearing from the book.

"Har har har" Chris laughed as he checks his face with a handy mirror "Moving on" he pronounces as he throws the mirror off stage. "Before I was rudely interrupted, I was about to talk about the new season, and the new competition" Chris said as he take position in a podium made of plastic and other everyday using products. "You know the basics, 8 weeks of competition that will lead to the grand prize". His smile was almost Cheshire like "and because in this season we aren't doing things in small scale, we also put steroids in the prize check" right from down the podium, Chris takes out a big symbolic prize check "1 million for the winner". Everyone gasped in awe at the sudden realization that the Host has made "I repeat, 1 million, US dollars. That's a lot of money to spend in whichever your hedonistic desires lead you on; from spending it in endless parties to renew your wardrobe or being just plain boring and save it for college and such" Chris said as he makes the check disappear "and as we love to do, to put such great responsibilities in teens, the competition will be hard and cruel, like Granny Mclean taught me how". His sly grin made its appearance and most of the campers felt how the hair on the back of their necks rose up and the butterflies on their stomachs were doing a mosh pit "and to take you away from those complicated thoughts, I'll show you one of the new things that our bigger budget permitted us to buy". With a snap of his fingers, the drapery fell to the ground of the stage and a state of the art 40 ft. screen dominated the scene. "This is the latest in stage technology; it's touch sensitive, it can browse the web, permit illegal downloads (which our legal team says that is bad and no one should attempt, because you don't want the federals chasing you, but if you like the cheap thrills, that's up to you), also it's HD, and we got it at US$ 250,000" He says as the screen starts to show live images of the camp and it's surroundings "pretty awesome, don't cha think? That news channel thought that they have the coolest gadgets? TDI proves them wrong!". Gwen rose her hand "yes Gwen, it seems that you have a question" Chris calmed down and let the goth girl talk.

"In fact, yes. I do have a question" She stood up and walked towards the stage "You waste a quarter million dollars in a damned HD screen, and you haven't fixed any of the hundred of problems that this hell hole has?" Gwen was fuming, her fists clenched tight "the water pipes works whenever they feel like it, the cabins still look like if they survived a nuclear holocaust, and I guess that you haven't made a damn thing about the food that Chef tried to cook and miserably failed". "for once, I have to agree with weird goth girl" Heather spoke from the benches "at least you could do something and put a hot tub, decent bathrooms or such" she said while she painted her nails.

"Teenagers, there's nothing I can do to flinch a smile" Chris laughed a bit "when we were in preproduction, there were some talking about the way that you'll live here, but since no one complained, we let them the same way that all of you remember it" he crossed his arms and smiled.

"But Chris" Cody said "all of us complained, remember all the footage that you have, where we only complain about the cabins, the communal bathrooms and the food?" he stated.

"Yeah, in fact, those rants are now on the DVD, as extra features" he said as, if magically, a box set containing all past season (unrated and uncensored) and other cool extras appeared in his hands "but those aren't valid as legal complains, so, suck it up boys and girls, you have 1 million at the end of the road".

"I have another question" Harold raised his hand school like "does the screen comes with the integrated espresso machine that was the talk of the town at the computer and electronic convention?" he asked naturally while Chris looked surprised. "Does it have an espresso machine, inside the screen?" Chris went backstage and came with a gargantuan size user manual "hmmm… Spanish, Esperanto, Finnish… here it is, English…" he said as he pointed certain page in the manual "and it's like if I'm reading Chinese… erhmm, ok, Harold, if you can make it work, you'll have free coffee, what you think?". Chris felt how someone took the manual from his hands "you got a deal" Harold said with delight "gosh! It is a fine piece of technology" he smiled as he read the manual. "Let me see!" Cody said as he ran to the stage to contemplate the sleek black design of the screen "it has everything you need to host a LAN party, including ambient lights and sound".

Chris drummed his fingers on the surface of the podium, as he waited to the solution of the caffeine trouble "well, I guess that I'll have to fill this time with some chit chat" he looked around and pose his eyes on certain camper. "So tell me, Zeke" Chris declared while he let his arms rest on the podium "how has life treated you? I heard that you got a scholarship to a great school, care to tell the audience that story?" his face was a mask of boredom.

"Yes, I'm attending a catholic school, eh!" Ezekiel said as he raised his toque a bit to let the vision range grow "believe me, it has bi'n a 180º turn in all life's aspects; from bin'g home schooled to be in a co-ed school with dorms and everything."

"And let me guess... still being hackled about those comments that you made at the first competition" Chris and his cynical smile retorted.

"Well… just a little, by some girls that seems to share Eva's way of retribution" Ezekiel shuddered at the memories of those times. "But most of the people forgave me after I explained myself" he smiled as he looked to certain athletic camper, who gave him a menacing look and some gestures that could not be broadcasted. This erased the prairie boy smile and color of his face. "Hmmm… let me see" Chris said as he tapped his chin with his index finger "Geoff, my party boy, you had one of the greatest works that any person under 21 years old could dream of: being the host of a series of specials about spring break, and not only that, you managed to take some of the campers and let them join the party" he said as he gave Geoff two thumbs up "want to share the experience with those that didn't saw that?".

"'cha, bro" Geoff said as he jumped and stood on the bench "that would be a great pleasure for me. You know that all of us became famous after TDI" he said as he sat down again next to Bridgette. "well, this music network offered me to host some shows and I had to accept it, I mean, it's what I do best, and I got to be with my girl and some of my friends, what else can a dude ask for?" Geoff holds his girlfriend close and remembered the times at the vacation centers. "And what else can a executive producer ask for? Being paid by that network just by your contracts, via royalties, boys and girls!"Chris said as he looked to the nearest camera, smiled and gave two thumbs up. "seriously, you should read the fine and finest print, that would solve so much problems" he said as he looked back to the screen and the campers trying to solve the caffeine predicament.

"So, besides the big check and the lack of common sense at fixing things here" Beth said raising her hand "what other surprises do you have in store for us?" she placed her hands in her thighs waiting for an answer

"well… for starters, we have more cams" as he finished his sentence, the screen divided in 16 small screens and broadcasted live images from the camp, rotating from the dock, passing by the cabins and communal restrooms, and various shots of the forest and its wild life "also, the production trailer is bigger, and our show it's in primetime, so I can charge more for advertisement time" he said as he takes a cardboard with a number and e-mail with the title _"ad space for rent, call Chris Mclean, ask for discounts" _looking with his trademark "you-will-do-as-I-wish" smile and wiggling his eyebrows for the camera.

"And that doesn't answer anything" Heather said as she starts to fix her nails "you just talk about how you waste money in petty things, what about the challenges?" she finished filing her nails and looked to the stand with her nose up to the sky. "Kids these days, all thrills, no fun… well, about those challenges; they are tougher than last season". Chris rested his left arm on the stand and his right hand playing with his moist hair. "We have few survivors… I mean interns that tested this season's stages. And the others are in the hospital with some broken bones or nasty third degree burns". All of the campers looked terrified at the fate of the interns and their fates in the future weeks, but the scent of coffee brewing in the air soothed the spirits. "It took us a bit to configure the espresso machine, because we were busy reconfiguring the operative system" Cody said while he and Harold, with trays of coffee cups in their unsteady hands. "Gosh, five hundred bookmarked pages, and all about Chris… talking about egotistical show hosts" Harold stated as he give each camper a coffee mug.

"ok, now that our resident geeks have solved the problem so diligently" Chris said as he sipped his cup of coffee and looked around "we have one of the surprises to be revealed right now" with a few clicks on a remote control, the screen showed the faces of all campers in a game show fashion "in a random fashion, we will pick eleven of you" the campers looked stunned at the sudden news and what kind of bad omen that could bring "why for? That's not for you to know… yet" he declared as he moved towards the screen and touched it.

"the first one to be picked is…" the faces lit up in a wild fashion, and in a relative fast pace stop in certain face "… Noah!" the Egghead rose and looked at the host. "So, that means that I'm closer to the shooting range?" he said coldly.

"Nope, but we could use that idea for future seasons" the host said with a smile and touched the screen again "now the rest of you will be picked quickly because we're losing a bit of ratings, kids, you could tell better stories" he touched the screen again and one by one the faces were lit in frenzy fashion, letting just 10 faces on the spotlight. "Gwen, Izzy, Lindsay, Trent, Bridgette, DJ, Cody, Ezekiel, Duncan and…" Chris let the moment sink for a while, while the campers were waiting for the last one to be lit… and it went like that for a minute and a half, some were biting their nails, others were hanging to their friends for dear life and most of them were just waiting for this torture to end "the last one to be picked is… Heather. That's is, all the campers that weren't picked can stay for a while".

"Chris, can I ask a question" Ezekiel stood up on his bench, while the host looked at him with inquiring eyes. "sure, go ahead, Zeke" Chris made a gesture with his hand, which told him to speak.

"Don't tell me that this is your way to pick teams this season, because it is almost unmoral for some of the campers" he pointed to Gwen and Heather, who were ready to go at each others necks, while Trent tried to stop them. "Nope, it was made randomly by our computer, which it's not biased in any way" he said while he walked to the center of the stage "but I guess that it worked better this way, where you see sorrow and drama, I see the opportunity to make good ratings and drama" his face was shining with joy, which was created by the sour mood of the campers. "Now, before someone else makes the obvious questions, we have a little surprise for the chosen campers".

"That surprise being?" Beth said as she sipped her mug of coffee "you know, this coffee is really goof" she smiled while some campers agreed with her. "well, I hate to spoil good surprises, but this one is impressive" Chris touched some buttons of his remote control and this made the screen show a group of words that made the campers who were chosen for whatever task he thought of, to wait for the worse. "Yes, you read it well, 3 more weeks here at Camp Wawanakwa! Brought to you by our legal team there in Toronto"

"Damn, this host is worst than Dr. Mephisto and his army of mutated screeching baboons, which I had to fight few months ago" Izzy sulked while she leaned on Ezekiel. "How none of us read the fine print, probably he will make us fix the camp for free or something worse" Gwen rested her head on her legs, waiting for the inevitable. "Don't be so down, my children of the reality TV, this will be good for you: the ones that didn't make it will take a nice 3 week vacation at our swanky new Playa de Losers, some part of our budget went to put more fun and more food at your disposition, and you'll be fresh to compete for one million bucks". This made all the "loser" campers happier than a politician at payday, especially Owen, whose eyes were gleaming with joy and the desire for all the good food that could be provided at any time of the day. "THANK YOU CHRIS, YOU'RE THE GREATEST HOST EVER" He said as he gave Chris a bear hug which took all the air of his lungs. "Ok, ok… don't kill me, Owen!" the handsome host recovered his breath and checked his hair. "And for the chosen ones, you'll have a pre season competition, which will give all of you a taste of how things will work here this time around".

"And how this pre season will help us for the real competition?" Bridgette asked, her hands on her jacket pockets. "I mean, we will have a handicap of 3 weeks of workout against the other group".

The Swanky host looked at the surfer girl with his sly smile, as if he was hiding something, and he wasn't telling it right now, just for messing with the kids minds. "Yes, but when you'll be at the competition, you will see that wining will have some other good rewards. But enough talk, I have to show you something that will explain why are we making this season longer" Chris motioned to the campers to sit down and look at the screen, which started to show a special video.

* * *

The sight was a normal town from the east coast of the U.S. _"Welcome to Lawndale, Connecticut"_. Said Chris's voice narrating the video _"this lovely American town it's almost a representation of all things American, with their beautiful sights, well mannered people and its youth" _the scene changes to the entrance of Lawndale High School, a normal High School and it's normal students_ "we chose this place among a whole lot of other cities, from Canada and the States, because it was so normal, yet so appealing." _The scene changes to a Asian woman in her 40's, dressed in a business suit _"this is Angela Lee, the Principal of Lawndale High, and the main reason that we laid eyes on this town, because of the letter and tapes that she send to our headquarters". _We can see the normal flow of a class day at Lawndale High _"here at Llawndale High, we have the greatest regard for our students, they are among the best that our educational system can give, and our teacher staff has prepared them to achieve great heights"_ Ms_._ Lee stated off screen

We can see a teacher, with brown hair, peach colored shirt and grey pants, near his forties. _"This is one of those teachers, Mr. Timothy O'Neil, English teacher and counselor here at Lawndale High" _Chris declared off screen. _"our students are like a small representation of humankind, we have the intelligent ones who can aspire to greatness" _Mr. O'Neil stated to the camera, while he seated on his desk _"also we have our handicapped students, that have to make a little bit of effort to be good, but I know that with our guidance they will be prepared to become good citizens". _Another teacher appears, he has some grey hair, a white shirt with a black tie and black pants. _"Another prominent teacher here is Mr. Anthony DiMartino, History teacher and person in charge of the nature club"_ Chris continued his narration. _"Our students… how can I TALK about those punks that sit here at my ROOM with their dull eyes and BRAINS"_ Mr. DiMartino rises his voice in certain words to state his point _"well, some of they have a FUTURE, and a real desire to have KNOWLEDGE, but all the others are just a waste of CHEMICALS and TIME"._

The camera roams around the halls of Lawndale High, not focusing on any face _"besides the fact that we found this place so amusing, is that, after having some conversations with the principal, and some monetary aid, we were allowed to take some of the senior class of Lawndale High to Canada, especially to Camp Wawanakwa, on a trip that will change their lives upside down forever, because they will have the chance to be famous, just like you, boys and girls at Wawanakwa. You'll have to compete against people that you don't know, and this time is not for the money… yet, but for the honor of our show, so I hope that you will defend it well and don't let you, your partners and Canada down. All of them are counting on you"_ the scene changes to the Canadian flag flaming with the TDI logo stamped on it and the last chords of the national anthem resonating while the screen goes to black.

* * *

"well, that's the explanation of why we added 3 more weeks to our show" Chris said as he took possession of the stand "we bribe their principal and picked some of their senior class to come to Canada and compete against you, pretty awesome, don't you think, boys and girls?". 22 faces were looking at him with unreadable eyes. "So, you bribed some American teenagers to come to this place" Gwen declared. "'nd they accepted withoo't hesitation or remorse?" Ezekiel stated.

"Hell Yes!" Chris said exited "at first, we thought of doing a reality show in joint production with MTV, but they said no and I said _"well, we have the camp, we can make some of them compete against our kids and see what happens" _and that's why we're here" he said as he leaves the stage and went to the benches

"This is way too weird" Bridgette said with a look of concern. "How did they accept to be here? If I had the chance to be here, I would run like hell". "We thought of that, so we talked to the parents or legal representatives of the students and I sweet talked them into signing the contracts, I had a problem with one of the parents and the contract, but she accepted after convincing her daughter." His smile was wicked in every meaning of the word.

"Dude, you're more bad than the black plague and Torquemada mixed" DJ was fuming mad. Chris's smile grew wider "gee, thanks, DJ, you will make me blush". Gwen stood up and started to leave "well, if there's any consolation at this, you will die alone and bald" she said as she went to her cabin, while all the campers looked at her and then to the host. "So, we will have to wait here or go to the dock and wait for Chef Hatchet… and where is he?" LeShawna raised an eyebrow.

"He's at this moment, at the boat of losers taking the other campers luggage to Playa de Losers and then he will take you all to the resort" He said as he touched a button of his control remote and show them what the resident chef and drill sergeant was doing at the moment. "Well, we can stay here talking about petty things or we can go to the dock of shame to meet your new competition" he said as he gestured them to go to the dock. "Why do I have the feeling that this will be strange in so many ways?" Trent said.

"What makes you think that?" Noah asked without looking him, just his book "we're dandy; we're forced to compete with people that we don't know, besides being just able to stand the sight of some campers?"

"Besides that?" Trent answered "is the fact that what will happen to us if we lose? Chris has a devious mind and that is what scares me". Lindsay appeared right next to Trent "Yeah, and with 3 more weeks here, my hair will frizz like if there's no tomorrow". The Egghead sighed and keeps marching to the dock "This will be something to remember, mostly on my nightmares".

* * *

**(Confession cam – The return of the Confusion)**

**Gwen: **_She's looking at the camera, her legs crossed _"well, what's to think about this season, besides being trapped with some of my friends and boyfriend in a hostile environment, being stuck with a real life harpy that made my life miserable in so many ways and with a demon of a host that feeds of people's sadness?" _she crosses her arms and leans back on the seat _"that after all of this ends, I will never ever read so lightly a contract, I'll befriend a lawyer, ironic at it sounds".

**Noah: **_He's reading his book, not looking at the camera _"another season, another month where I have to be around weird people that can't recognize anything good, at least I have the small hope that the new contestants will be able to bring some fresh air to this hell hole, either that or I'll having a nice relaxing reading vacation".

**Ezekiel: **_He looks at the camera and twiddles his fingers nervously _"I really hope that I'll not doo' anything that makes people tries to maim me, because my stay at the first season wasn't fine and dandy" _he rests his hands on his legs _"I am woo'ndering, why Eva still hates me? I tried to apologe'ze and she reacted like a berserker, as Mick Jagger said _"You can't always get what you want"_ true words, I must add, eh".

* * *

The dock of shame looked calm at the afternoon, the seagull that lives with the plastic ring on its neck floats around the nearby sea, the piranhas swam in formation looking for a newfound victim and the campers are standing on said dock waiting for the next contestants that should be arriving at any minute now. "Well, they should be here in any minute, please tell me if you see the same yacht that you arrived here, I have some arrangements to do" Chris said as he went to the production trailers. "Probably he went to comb his hair and such things" Geoff said while he tried to spend the last minutes with his girlfriend "I'll miss you loads, Bridge".

"Me too, Geoff" Bridgette hugged him closer to her and give him a long, passionate kiss which started to become a make out session.

"Whatever, the only thing that we have to be focused on is that we must win the competitions, I refuse to lose again". Heather said as she tapped her foot in the planks waiting "but at least I'll be able to prove that I'm better than most of you here." Noah just looked at her and sighed "And tell me, Heather, what makes you think that you have the slightest chance to win something? As far as I remember, all your wins had some intervention or a strange confabulation". She just glared at him and uttered some profane words. "I'm not surprised at all, it's easier to off me than to retort in a normal fashion".

Izzy was waiting in anticipation while she was humming a strange song which appealed Ezekiel's ears "Tell me, Izzy, what are you singing?" he said as she tilted her head. "Zeke, that's a Finish waiting song that was made by wainamonnien the father of the land, I learned from a farmer on my countless trips around the world, even if I don't know what it says hehe!" She laughed and Ezekiel began to laugh with her until they saw a luxurious yacht approaching the dock. "Aha! There they are" Chris Mclean said as he stood at the end of the dock waiting for his newest victims "please, be polite, they have seen you in TV and I don't want them to be disappointed" he smiled while a wet paper ball hit him in his forehead.

"Good one, Gweenie" Trent whispered as he hold her hand tenderly.

"Thanks, sweetie, and please, don't call me that" She smiled and caressed his hand. "Ha-ha, teenagers, no wonder why that age is so weird" Chris stated as he looked at his cards. "all of them are inside of the Yacht. And we have a camera crew with them onboard" he said while the campers looked uninterested, the first of the newcomers started to walk down the aisle. "Campers, say hello to Michael Jordan Mackenzie" He is a 6ft. tall African American, his hair made in locks, he is dressed in a Black Loose Fitting t-shirt, green khakis and white sneakers. "Hello Michael, welcome to camp Wawanakwa" The Host greeted him. "Thanks Chris, I hope that we don't have any problems here at your show" Mack said as he high five the host. "See, campers? That's how you treat your host" He said with a smile to the camera while the campers greeted the newcomer.

"moving on" Chris said while he read another card "next one is a girl, let's greet Jodie Landon" The next newcomer went down the hallway, she is a 5ft. 5'' African American girl, her hair is made in cornbraids, she's dressed in a pink blouse, gray mini skirt and platform sandals "Hello, Jodie" Chris said while he offered his hand in salute "Welcome to camp Wawanakwa" He added. "Thanks, Mr. Mclean, in behalf of my co-students, we're grateful of this opportunity, and we're hoping to have a good time here with all of you" Jodie said politely and shook his hand.

"She reminds me of someone that I know" Cody said while he looked to the girl "yeah, it's like Courtney, but with feelings" He added with a smile, while Courtney fumed, stomped her foot on the planks and leave. Jodie joined the group where his boyfriend is starting to know his competition. "So, Mack, in what have we entered, thanks to our parents?" she asked while she hugged her boyfriend by the side and gave him a peck on the cheek. "That's a good question, Jodie, I've seen a bit of this show and now I'm talking with Gwen and Trent". Jodie greeted the couple and introduces herself.

"What we have now" Chris asked as he looked the cards "yes, we have another girl, Say hi to Brittany Taylor" From the yacht went down a 5' 6'' blond girl, her hair made with pigtails, she's wearing Lawndale High Cheer Squad uniform, a blue t-shirt, which revealed her large bosom and yellow skirt with blue sneakers. "YAY!! I'm on TDI, this is like the coolest moment ever!" the cheerleader squealed with joy "there is Chris Mclean, ohmigod! … but you look taller on TV" He said as she greeted the host. "hehe… great, we have another Lindsay on the camp" he smiled and waited to the cheerleader to join the campers "and she brought her boyfriend, say hello to Kevin Thomson". Right on cue, the Quarterback, 6' with black hair and wearing Lawndale High Football Uniform, Yellow jersey with shoulder pads and blue pants, and football shoes went down the yacht running and stops right next to his girlfriend "Yeah Baby! I'm the QB!" screams Kevin while he kisses Brittany and another make out session begins.

"Amazing, we have Americana at its best, the QB and the large racked cheerleader" Duncan said to Ezekiel, the prairie boy looked at the couple. "those are just like in the movies that I saw befur coming here". The punk laughed a bit and patted Ezekiel's shoulder "at least you can use kind of info, hehehe" he stopped laughing after Courtney slapped him on the back of his head. "Shut up you ogre!" Courtney screamed and stomped her way out of the dock again.

"Guys, you're making me look bad" Chris said, while Gwen screamed back "you can do that all by yourself, you jerk" which made all the campers and newcomers laugh. "ok… enough joy, we have a show to make" Chris changed his cards and checked them. "Say welcome to Charles Ruttheimer the third" from the luxury yacht went down a lanky 5'8'' guy, with red curly and short hair, freckles on his nose and wearing a short sleeved white shirt, brown pants and sneakers. "Hello ladies, Charles Ruttheimer the Third at your service" He said as he greeted the host and lay his eyes on Heather "hmm, Madame Heather, you're as beautiful as the angels" Charles said as he tried his best to hit on her. "Get lost, you creep!" Heather coldly said as she stormed out of the dock to the cabins "Grrr… Feisty" He said while Mack walked towards him "Upchuck, I would not recommend you to befriend her, the nicest thing that I have heard of her from the other campers is that she's a harpy" he said as he crossed his arms.

"even better, Mack, this will make the reward more delightful" he stated while he looked towards Heather direction.

"Now, give a warm Wawanakwa welcome to Tom Sloane" Chris said as a 6' guy with dark brown hair walked down the dock, he was wearing a black long sleeved t-shirt, brown baggy pants and skate shoes "wait a minute, I didn't see you at the high school when I was there" chris asked as he looked at the newcomer. "yes, that's because I'm not in the same school than them, I'm here thanks to some competitors" Tom said as he stood up next to Chris "by the way, nice gulag that you build here" he said as he walked towards the campers and waited for the last ones of his team.

"Har Har… these kids" Chris declared as he looked at the camera "we have 2 more competitors, say hello to Jane Lane, artiste extraordinaire". "wow, this place looks more miserable in the flesh than in the screen" said Jane, and she's wearing the same clothes that we saw her, sans the leggings "and who thought that little oh me would be here, with Jose de Torquemada" pointing to Chris. "Welcome Jane, how was the trip from the resort?" Chris asked politely. "Well, the resort was nice, but I need the inspiration for my art, and I thought _"what the hell, if I want misery I have to wait a couple of days until we arrive to TDI" _and here we are, Lawndale Represent!" She said in a Hip Hop manner while she took her luggage and went to her schoolmates "Jodie, Mack, Kev, Brit, Upchuck!... even Tom!" she said while she high-five everyone "now it's time to show them how we do things in the states!" Jane raised her fists.

Izzy looked to the scene with delight "I like her style" she said with a big grin.

"and last but not least" Chris said without looking his cards "Say hello to Daria Morgendorffer" He declared in a game show manner and waited for the girl to went down the yacht, and after five seconds, she went down, she's wearing the same clothes that we have seen her before. "Welcome to Camp Wawanakwa, Daria" he said stretching his hand, she just looked at him "Well, this could be worse" Daria said in a deadpan tone "I could be in a reality show in another country, against my will and with a has-been for a host" she simply added and walked away toward her friend "Jane, in what kind of inner circle of hell are we stuck?" she said while one of her bags fell to the ground, she didn't noticed until certain street musician took it. "Hey, Daria… that's your name, right?" Trent said while he gave her her back pack "You drop it, by the way, I'm Trent… welcome to Wawanakwa" he said as he went back to his girlfriend.

"How cute" Jane said with a sly grin "how do you manage to have a Trent in each country, and he's a musician also… that's a coincidence". Daria tried to hide her blush and looked away. "Not a single word, Jane" she simply said and kept looking away.

"What's wrong with her?" Tom asked

"Don't worry, Tom" Jane said in full Yenta mode "just Daria and awkward social situations". "yeah, I know…" Tom answered "privileges of being her ex… and your ex too, I still found it amusing yet weird". Jane just laughed and hugged his friend/ex-boyfriend "that's what we aim for, the weirdness; now let's join the fray… Yo! Daria! Let's join the fun!" Jane said with a smile. "Lane, whatever happens" Daria was mere inches from Jane "you'll pay, but first I ask dibs on the top bunk" She gave her a Mona Lisa smile and walked with her friends to join the campers.

Chris Mclean looked the scene and gave a smile to the camera. "well, this was easy, we met all the new contestants, catch up on the campers that we love to watch and found out that we have more 3 weeks to have fun and drama, here on **Total Drama Duels**" he was waving his hand to the camera, while DJ, Duncan and Geoff sneaked right on Chris's back and throw him down the dock.

"Dudes! Not cool, my hair!" Chris said while all the campers, new and old shared the first of many laughs that they will have this season.

* * *

Well, this is the first chapter of Teenage Wasteland, I hope that you enjoyed it, because I really enjoyed writing it.

Suggestions, Reviews, Flaming Bricks and everything in between?... drop a line or two and i'll gladly answer it

Have Fun and Enjoy Yourselves


	2. Your average second chapter

Author notes:

I hate my job…. But it's an entreating one… yet it takes my free time so quickly… so kids, if you want a job that doesn't take you time of your life. Don't be a Political Scientist…

And now the legal notes

Daria is a trademark of MTV Networks; TDI is a trademark of Fresh Inc., Teletoon and Cartoon Network.

This is a work of fiction, made without looking for profit, just for the fun of it.

Thanks to Charliefox2012, first reviewer!!!... Hope that I can keep up with your expectations

Now, Onward with the story

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Teenage Wasteland: Total Drama Duels

Chapter 2: Up the Road, Down the Creek and Drop Dead

From the distance we see Camp Wawanakwa, from the 1000 ft. cliff to the Dock of Shame, and in that precise place we spot Chris Mclean, which begins to give the camera his grin, and starts to walk thru the dock, to its center. "In the past episode of Total Drama Duels: we begin a new journey, accompanied by our usual campers, they came here for another chance at a big prize and their fifteen minutes of fame. And as all thing that are successful, we've got an upgrade worthy of our grand show, and worthy of its handsome host" Chris winked to the camera and gave it two thumbs up. "And we put it in good use; more cameras for your viewing pleasure, a bigger budget to spend it on competitions that will be more impressive than your average reality show finale, and a swanky 40 ft. HD screen… which also has an embed espresso machine… now tell me, how many shows have an espresso machine on its screens!" the handsome host walks towards the camp with a "god-I-am-that-great" look on his face.

"We saw how our beloved victs… I mean, campers lived their lives outside the island, either partying all day or having awesome scholarships in great educational centers. They all got their fair share of famousness. Little did they know that we have such surprises in store for all of them, and boy, they were flabbergasted" Chris walked in the amphitheatre stage, right in front of the big screen, which broadcasted images of the first day. "From this beauty behind me to the prize check, this consists of one million U.S. dollars that they can do whatever they want to do… the sky is the limit, my friends in front of the screens". The host serves himself a hot, freshly brewed coffee. "And in the spirit of giving which infected us, we searched in our subcontinent for new ideas, for new people that could join our show. From up north, near the Mississippi river and ending in Rio Grande, we looked and looked, but nothing showed up, until we fixated our sight in a town called Lawndale, and the incredible opportunity that this normal place gives us. Fresh blood" Chris sat down on the edge of the stage, placing his mug of coffee right next to him.

"From this normal high school we picked seven individuals, same age as our campers, and an extra participant which was selected by the campers itself. And they will compete not for the money, but for the glory of winning in nation wide TV, to prove themselves and for the fame and fortune that will come with it" Chris stood up and take possession of the homemade podium "and more drama and excitement than a normal high school hallway can handle, so join our usual suspects and our newcomers; Mack, the smart football player. Jodie, the polite soon to be lawyer, Brittany, the bubbly cheerleader and his boyfriend, Kevin the QB, Charles the ladies' man (a self imposed nickname that no one seems to take notice) Tom, the prep school guest with a caustic attitude, Jane, the artiste extraordinaire and Daria, the girl which embodies sarcasm and enjoys it" Chris stops talking and let his image on the screen do the rest of the introduction. "So buckle up and grab the snack of your preference, because this is a new episode of Total Drama Duels"

(Cue to a simple black screen with the TDI Sign, with the I replaced with a D and some words that goes like this _don't worry, folks at home. We will have a brand new song next week, so don't put your panties in a bunch!)_

_

* * *

  
_

The sight of sunrise tends to be one of the beauties that mother earth gives to us. How the sun rises from the deep and gives us its light and warmth it's a great reminder on how the cosmic balance works and how lucky (if you're inclined to believe in that word) all of us should feel to be able to see how the sun bathes all our surroundings. How the birds begin to sing their cry, the flowers begin to bloom and the nature starts its daily cycle. But as every action has its reaction in equal or superior force, the lovely sight is interrupted by the entrance of a military tank to the grounds of the camp, rampaging everything in its path, from hilly bushes to garbage cans, but not wild animals (because no one want to see that image, and no person that I know is capable to rinse blood from the front of a WW II Panzer Tank… or so I've heard) and stopped its tracks on the center of the camp ground, in between the two cabins and proceeded to shoot a warning shot to the sky which if not, woke up from their deep slumber

"What the hell was that?" Jane woke up quickly and rose up, hitting her head hard on the mattress of the upper Bed "man… this is a way to wake up" she added as she rubbed her sore forehead.

"God damn, Jane… what have I told you about trying to wake me up with 'saving Private Ryan'". Daria said as she put her glasses on and went down of his bunk bed "it didn't work well and I ended up trying to choke you with a brush" her face was stern, yet sleepy.

"That wasn't her idea, Daria" Jodie said as her put on a robe over her nightgown "just take a look out thru the window and you'll see" she pointed to the nearest window where the three of them watched how the tank, a real military tank, with big speakers put to the sides of it started to shoot another round of fake ammo to the air.

"Wow… they couldn't wait a few hours to the fireworks" Brittany interjected while she also peeked thru the window "that's a cool replicant" she added.

"it's said replica, and it's not… it's a real one" Daria said with a deadpan tone "from the German army symbol to the psycho tyrant in charge of it" at that exact moment the hatch opens and Chris Mclean, with a Prussian helmet on his head and a bullhorn on his hands grinned to one of the ever-present cameras.

"Gutten morgen, campers!" He said with a fake teuton accent "it's time to rise und shine". Chris goes out of the tank without hassle, followed by his second in command, Chef Hatchet, who is dressed as a female GESTAPO officer, but with his little chef hat instead of the grey military hat

Meanwhile, all the old campers went out of their cabin with dumbstruck faces and pajamas. "Chris, you psycho!" Gwen screamed as she went closer to the tank "it's 6 in the morning, and you bring a tank to the camp?"

"Pretty amazing, don't you think?" Chris seated in one side of the tank, looking amazing as usual. "We got this beauty so cheap that it was hilarious, so I thought that we could use it in some point here at the show, so I got you all a new alarm" he patted the metal shell of the war machine with enjoyment.

"Gee… thanks for the gift" Tom uttered as he and the Lawndale boys abandon their cabin. "It's customary here at the camp to be woken up like if we were training to jump to Normandy?" he looked around and shrieked as he saw Chef and his attire.

"And it's normal to see him dressed in drag?" Kevin said as Chef glared at him with eyes that could kill "it's not a problem, just asking" he chuckled nervously.

Chris was busy trying to connect a series of cables to the giant speakers placed on both sides of the Panzer to take notice of those questions. "Testing, uno, deux, testing" the speakers created a hum, an static hum which made a few squirrels who were running around, minding their own squirrel-esque business, start to doing flip flops and trying to fly. "Yeah, it was a bargain, also for the speakers and these potato mashers" he fiddles around with said grenades, without knowing their real use.

"Er… Chris" Ezekiel loosened the collar of his t-shirt while a sweat drop goes down his forehead "I wooln't recommend yoo' to do that, yoo' see, that's a grenade… and yoo' took the safety pin of it" he whispered a prayer while he waited for the inevitable to happen

"It's true" Chris stated as he looked at said safety lock without concern "nah… you know, this thing shouldn't work-"

"Just throw the damned grenade!" Duncan said and with a swift movement he took the explosive out of Chris' hands and threw it away, the silence that was the norm at such morning hours disappeared when a loud explosion and a blast of debris flew in different directions. "You were saying?" Duncan said with a smug look in his face.

* * *

**(Confession cam – They say that imitation is the most elegant form of sycophancy)**

**Izzy: **_she's seated Indian style _"Chris can read minds? Because I was thinking that I would buy a nice tank or amphibian vehicle if I won this season, and BAM! There he is with a Panzer! And it's for all of us!" _She scratches her chin and begins to think _"yet I'm a bit curious about this newfound giving nature of our host, probably he got a tough and severe infection that went to his brain and makes him think that way".

**Duncan: **"Probably it's just me, but does Chris is getting weirder by the minute? First he pumps up the prize check, then he brings more cattle to the slaughter house, and now he brings a tank full of working grenades? Maybe the next thing that he will think is to put up a nude beach just to boost the ratings up" _his face lightens up and his grin grows wider _"that would be amazing, don't you think?".

**Jane: **_is seated in a relaxed manner, scrapbook and pencil in hand _"You know, I am in awe about this experience, I knew that I should have given this show a watch… I mean, look at everything around here, it's everything that an rising new artist needs to inspire herself; from the impending doom to the nature trying to take revenge at our expense… and don't get me started about our fellow campers" _she begins to draw while she keeps talking _"some of them are interesting enough to give a try and communicate, while others… let me show you" _She reveals her drawing, an image of Heather as Saint Sebastian (arrows included) while she smiles slyly to the camera._

**Daria: **_is reading "The Karamazov Brothers" while she begins to talk _"where to begin, I'm not a nagging person, yet this environment tends to pull all those traits that you don't use. The campers are ok, not in the mood to communicate with them, even if a few are serious candidates to the guillotine, but tolerable. The accommodations are five stars, if you're in Siberia and I don't see a snow flake around, but the icing of the cake has to be our fearless host…" _she looks to the camera with a unreadable expression _"I have know a fair share of strange people, but Mclean wins the prize and beats the competition, he would fit perfectly at Lawndale High, or Arkham Asylum"

* * *

"Ok, campers" Chris spoke as he takes off the dust of his clothes and his Prussian helmet "If you liked the new alarm that I bought for you all, you will love what we have in store for the rest of your stay here" he smiled while the veteran campers had that strange feeling of awareness that is just gained by experience "but now, I need you in normal clothes and with a nice smile in the cafeteria in one hour, to enjoy Chef's delicatessen and further briefing".

"One hour? You pretend that all of us will be able to use the communal bathrooms in one hour, when you have Heather here?" Noah declared while Heather was glaring at him. "As usual, she will hog the bathroom for more than 45 minutes and there will be not enough hot water for all of us" Heather was fuming and hoping that something bad would happen to the egghead, like a piece of an old space station falling to his head.

"That's just envy, all of you read the critics of the show and they all talked about me, so I have to keep up looking great for this show. Or they will have to see all of you, including weird Goth girl over there" Heather stated while she raised her nose up to the heavens in a smug way.

"This reminds me of something" Daria calmly said to her friend next to her. "Like this rash in the back of your mouth that never stops… we will have to cope with this girl and her inflated ego?"

"So it seems" Jane simply crossed her arms and smiled. "And we don't have enough mouth wash to kill it".

"I knew it… I knew that I should not let my holy water at home" Daria spoke and then left to the cabin where the newcomers were staying while Heather just looked and begin to grind her teeth and mumble some profane words.

* * *

**(Confession Cam – the march of the Queen Bee)**

**Heather: **_is seated as usual, checking her nails _"First was the Goth girl and the egghead, now I have to cope with artsy Jane and the Misery girl… I don't mind, I eat people like them for breakfast, so it'll be like a walk in the park" _she looks at the camera with a evil smile _"just give me a couple of days and I'll begin with what I do best, strategy"

**Chris: **"Misery Girl? I like the nick name, it fits her and it's catchy… Mclean, you have another one in the bag for the bank account!" _he gives the camera two thumbs up_ "now I have to patent it and everything"

* * *

Finally, after 2 hours of preparing, the nineteen campers were seated at the cafeteria trying to comprehend what was in front of them.

"Why this thing does looks like splattered grey matter" Upchuck said while he touched the so called "food" with his fork "yet it smells like cranberries?"

"You have a problem with my food, freckled creep?" Chef growled from his kitchen, kitchen knife in hand "or you want me to force it down your throat?" he looked like he was ready to skin someone alive.

"No sir, no" he gulped with fear "this is a tasty treat, worthy of the finest gourmand of this country" he fashioned himself a big piece of the grey dish and began to eat it, while few tears begin to form in his eyes and his gag reflex begins to work "yummy!" he tried to smile, his voice cackling and to the verge of crying.

"That's more like it" Chef Spoke while he walked right beside where Upchuck was seated "here, eat some more, you need more meat in your bones, the bears will thank you that later". Upchuck almost fainted when Chef served him a big portion of breakfast on his tray.

"Chef" DJ spoke to the retired drill sergeant from the table that the TDI campers share with a hint of amazement "There's an animal trying to sneak out of the kitchen" said animal was creeping his way to freedom, he almost made it, but a quick chop of Chef's beloved knife stopped any other intent.

"That's no animal, that's your surprise meatloaf for dinner" Chef took a tray and transported the food to the nearest oven "you guys should be like the artsy girl up there". Everyone gazed how Jane was munching with delight her breakfast, without puking or writhing in pain.

"What! When you have a mother that can't cook for her life and a big brother that it's narcoleptic you have to eat what you can get…" everyone else was with their mouth open up, even Chris, who was checking some of the cameras placement in the building. "And it's kinda tasty, may I ask what this plate is?" he asked with curiosity

"Chef said that it was his breakfast mix, consisting of banana pancakes with cranberries, omelets and bacon" Tom tried to swallow his breakfast, without avail. "For the deities, this is something that was already sprayed with gastric acid" he said as he took the remnants of food out of his mouth with a napkin.

Jane looked puzzled at the food in front of her, picked it with a fork and looked it, as if it were some sort of biological experiment waiting to go and suck his face and brains at any moment. "I'm not picky, I like cranberry and banana, and the bacon gives it a nice texture. And the pancakes… it's kinda cool… crispy on the outside and bland on the inside" she gave Chef two thumbs up. "Yo, Chef! Is there any more for me?" she raised her plate with an innocent smile, everyone else just left their breakfasts untouched.

On the other table, the campers were having a conversation (well, avoiding to scream at each other and not having projectile vomit problems) about all the new things that Chris could try with them. "This is amazing" Lindsay said as she begins to paint her nails "it's always so cool to meet new people, I just hope that they aren't mean as Heather. That would be such a bummer" she looked how beautiful her nails are colored with crimson, like Tyler's favorite color.

"Shut it, you ditz" Heather growled as she tries to take out the spoon from the mix, "none of us came here to make new friends; we came here to win, not to be eliminated at first and not to be humiliated in front of all the world" she stated while her spoon stood straight in the bowl, without signs of falling.

"Nope Heather, you didn't came here to make any friends" Cody declared while he looked to the table where the Lawndale boys and girls were finishing their breakfast "in fact, I found them quite cool, to be honest".

"Let's see…" Trent looked to the near table, examine how the new campers unfold in their morning routines "first: they have some sort of advantage against us, because they know each other for some time, more than the amount of time that we have known each other".

"Second: it seems that they have no leadership at all". Noah said uninterested "but, unlike us, will accept any other ideas, and not slander them, don't you think, Heather?" he sported a crooked smile while he raised his tray to stop the "edible" projectile that said girl threw at him "I repeat… it's more easier to retort as a rational person than act like lady Cro-Magnon, besides, breakfast mix can hit with such force, just ask our juvenile criminal over there" Noah looked at Duncan and he just nodded in acknowledge.

"Yet…" Heather crossed her legs and looked to her cast mates "we are eleven, they are just eight… any kind of advantage that they have falls to that simple truth… just pure logic". Everyone at the table looked at the Queen Bee and then looked at each other with a silent nod.

"I really hate to admit it, but The harpy has a point" Gwen rested her head in one of her hands, while she let her coffee mug on the table "we outnumber them, yet we know jack about them… as far I can see, they have two strong guys, the other two seems to be smart. And the girls… the cheerleader can be counted out, but the other girls… they seem the worrying type of contestants, the kind that wins competitions".

"Like You" Cody simply said

"If you put it in that way… yes, they can give us quite a surprise".

Bridgette cleared her throat and crossed her arms, she isn't the type of girl that would go and directly confront other people, she need to have reasons and motivations. And the newcomers haven't given her the slightest hint of bad vibes to begin with. They are just a bunch of teenagers that were in the same predicament as she and her friends. "You know what I think about all the 'know your enemy' routine, I never saw any of you as a threat, and believe me when I say that I'll not see them in that way. We should get to know them better before make any judgment".

"I have to disagree with Malibu Barbie" Duncan retorted. "Yeah, we can go and sing kumbaya with them on the campfire, but we can't forget that we're here with Chris and whether we like it or not, we have to think about us. They'll leave this place in three weeks and after that we're the ones that will have 2 more months of TDI, so it's a dog eat dog kind of situation"

"Yet, I don't want to have them to remember this experience as something bad" DJ, the gentle giant, declared as he rested his hands on his legs "I would have paid for someone that would make last season bearable, and it's the right thing to do".

"C'mon guys, stop being so nice. This will play against us later on and I don't want to be on the wrong side of the tracks when psycho host and his minions begins with the real fun and giggles". Duncan stood up, cracking his knuckles to prove his point "and I would rather to see them down for 3 weeks, than two and a half months of us down to the ground"

"Yoo' got to be kidding" Ezekiel also stood up "would yoo' like to be on their shoes, after those nasty words that yoo' said before? I mean… we know that we're in a desperate situation, but that's too harsh".

"And what would you do, prairie boy?" Duncan went closer to Ezekiel, who didn't go back "and since when did you have a backbone?" The punk said as he raised Ezekiel by the collar of his jacket

"You know what I would do, Duncan?" Izzy looked pissed off, prepared to relocate certain limbs from Duncan's body "before I rearrange your face for trying to do something to my friend? I would tell you that you're overreacting, I have known people that act like you in these situations, but we aren't on a war, so I would recommend you to calm down before something very wrong will happen to you while you sleep". Duncan shrugged off, then dropped Ezekiel to the ground and leaves the cafeteria without looking behind.

"Thanks Izzy, even if such threats weren't necessary" Ezekiel smiled while he stood up. "I owe yoo' one, Izzy Girl" he gave her a sincere smile as he reacomodated his toque.

"I'll remember that, Zekey Boy" Izzy smiled back and took the dust out of his jacket and rearranged it. " it reminded me of my cousin Ted, he was a bit touched about any high pitched sound, so you can imagine how he went when his wife bought a Toy Poodle" her grin growing wider and wider as she kept telling him more stories about her life and times, and he began to listen her carefully and happily.

"Did anyone notice when Ezekiel and Izzy became so close?" Noah asked from behind his massive tome "… gods, I take a twenty minute nap and everything changes like a small turmoil" the egghead laughed a little and keep reading what appears to be "Don Quixote". Everyone at the table looked at him, or looked at the cover of his book, and he felt the sights. "What? I ask a simple question and everyone goes nuts about it, sorry if I can't be your beloved know-it-all 24/7". Without wanting it, this question broke the tension and few laughter began to arise, few seconds later all the campers on the table began to laugh so hard that tears were falling from their eyes.

"Am I the only one that saw that?" Daria asked without taking her eyes from her book "don't know if the water made them so bipolar or it's just the Canadian way of dealing with stress".

"Probably they were venting some old grudges that they carried after finishing last season" Mack retorted as he drank some orange juice… which he spitted few seconds later "but, if we are going to be fed only with this kind of food, I guess that we'll be jumping at each other necks in no time" He declared as he took his tray and put it aside.

"Yeah, this food kinda makes me want to punch myself in the stomach" Kevin retorted "but as the coach said once _'those are the things that creates character'_".

"Or takes your spleen to a one way trip to the morgue" Daria said, her sarcasm mode on. "Either way… we need to discuss some issues, like what we will do about being here, because I have to admit that I really don't know what to expect. Just madness and sadism, and i'm just talking about Chris Mclean" her gaze moving from the faces of her teammates. "Did anyone saw the show long enough to tell us what kind of tests or competitions they had to endure?" Her face was a mask of seriousness, not her usual "screw it" look, her eyes showed concern and a small gleam of expectation.

"Ooh Ooh! I watched all the show" Brittany raised her hand and squealed "I saw all the episodes and reruns; I know almost everything about the campers and the competition".

"Yeah! That's my girl" The QB hugged her and begins a make out session. After few seconds that felt like hours, they split again and keep doing what they were doing "and how that will help us, Daria?" he asked with curiosity.

"That's easy, Kevin" Mack answered, while he looked at Daria with a look that said '_I'll explain him, you'll end up throwing him your book' _(how he was able to put that number of ideas in one look, we'll never know)"let me explain it to you in football slang; we're in visitor turf, we have everything against us, from the odds to the weather. However, if we made our homework right and learn our plays by ear we will be able to win by a landslide".

"That's right Mack Daddy, I know about leadership, since I'm the QB, and I know that we will win; our team is small in numbers, yet we have a strong defense and offense to compensate that, from my babe right here, to Tom… which I haven't meet before we were ready to hop in the plane that brought us here" He gave the prep school boy a wide grin and one thumb, which he respond rising his mug of coffee in a cheering manner.

"Just one more thing, Kevin" Mack added

"Yes, Mack Daddy?"

"Stop calling me Mack Daddy" he said in an exasperated manner, which made all the others table occupants laugh a bit.

Daria closed her book and let it rest in her lap, looking again to her cast mates with the same concerned eyes. "There's something about them that makes me think a bit more about our well being, and I don't want to sound like a mother superior, but we need a decent strategy against them" everyone raised her brows in an inquiring manner, especially Tom and Jane.

"Don't worry, D" Jane spoke as she finished her third dish of breakfast mix with glee. "As our QB said earlier, they might have the numerical advantage, yet we have more will and smart people, for example; you and I, Mack and Jodie, Tom… even Upchuck, all of us can go on against them and most likely beat them at their own game. And you can't deny that with Brit and the QB we can't lose" she had a sly smile while she pointed to that couple, in intense make out, with her spoon.

"Besides, what could be the worst?" Jodie said as she holds her boyfriend's hand "probably we will have to compete in meaningless competitions, like excursions and craftsmanship, and if we lose, we will send again to the resort where we were, no harm at any point"

"Erhmm…" Brittany began to play with one of her pigtails "… that's not what I saw last season, the least bad thing that they had to do was an excursion- "

"See, there's nothing to be worried about" Jodie interjected trying to shoo the Cheerleader

"- to this island filled with giant carnivore beavers, and voodoo curses, and the awake-a-thon, five days without sleep"

Daria let her head rest in her left hand "Why I didn't let my mom send Quinn here? She would have enjoyed the constant camera chasing and the masochism"

"Daria, my cynic muse" Upchuck declared in a gallant manner "if they choose you to be here, it wasn't for the popularity nor the prejudice and stereotypes. It was because they saw in you, your… caustic attitude and wit"

"Yeah, my attitude will boost the ratings and my wit will make me so popular" she said in a sarcastic tone "I told you in the resort, Upchuck; I didn't want to be here and I didn't asked to be here, hell… before being thrown here I just talked with Jane…"

"Then, why are you so worried about all of us?" Tom drily asked, his eyes fixated on hers "why all of sudden, you became hen mother?"

"Because if any of you get mauled by Mother Nature, I'll not be able to hid the body and blame Kevin or Upchuck nor run and hide in Canada… because we are already hidden in Canada" Her Mona Lisa smile came back to her lips, which relieved all of her co-students. Said relief lasted few precious seconds, until Chris fired another round from the tank, yet, the voice that the campers heard wasn't his.

"All Right Maggots!" Chef blared through the embed speakers "You have five minutes to report at the amphitheatre for further briefing in your first mission, and if any of you gets there late, you'll have to wash all the dishes in the kitchen!" 19 pair of eyes looked to said kitchen and saw one of the most hideous spectacles that they have seen in their lives: Camp Wawanakwa dirty dishes, a 20 ft. tall mountain made of plates, pots, pans and hazardous biological waste that was Chef's first pick for breakfast this morning, which now creeps and wails in the kitchen floor, like an abomination created by a mad scientist with god-like boasting. "And if you don't believe me, I will add all the dishes of the production crew, and lemme tell ya', those cats are dirtier than a latrine from World War I". His voice screeching out of the sound system "Now beat it, maggots, or I'll put disco music until your ears bleed out and your skeletons try to escape out of your body!" without warning, the sounds of "disco inferno" blasting loudly thru the Panzer sound system like if Chef tries to overthrown an Central America dictator.

"This is Hell!!!" Upchuck run to the nearest window and jumped through it waving his arms like a maniac. While all the others tried to get away from the exasperating beat and the sight of the biological waste doing a small dancing movement to the beat.

"This is enough to give you nightmares and years of psychotherapy" Tom tried to spoke as he ran to the amphitheater, as fast as his legs could help him.

"You know what they say, preppy boy" Duncan retorted as he past running by Tom "Welcome to Wawanakwa, Hope that you enjoy the stay". The punk was laughing, and that didn't let him see a low branch just in front of him. How he crashed and fell was seen by most of the campers, cameramen and people in front of their TV screens.

"Down goes Blink 182's fan" Tom stated while he looked to the sight, from a far distance "well… that made my day, I'm ok" he said as he looked to the stage, and looked again.

"This looks like something out of the Discovery Channel, or from that show at history channel" Bridgette was gasping for air, her eyes wandering around the amphitheatre.

The appearance of the open stage changed in a drastic way. All of the bleachers disappeared, letting free space for what looked a military headquarter with all the necessary items and accommodations, from the mobile hospital, passing through the arsenal, barracks and the bathrooms (which were cleaner and in better condition than the communal ones in the camp) to a cafeteria (again, in mint condition, and attended by real cooks) and governing the place, the screen showing a satellite map of the island and its adjacent places, and overseeing all the newly made HQ, Chris Mclean, dressed as usual, but his army helmet, which sported 3 stars on front, and his sly smile adorning his face. "Good morning, campers" Chris saluted them and moved to the center of the stage, with 2 brown envelopes. "I hope that you have enjoyed your breakfast and the chit chat that you had in the cafeteria, because now is where the real competition begins, no more calm moments for you all today" he added as the camera follows him at every step the host take down the stage stairs, at a side of it. "As most of you know, here at Total Drama duels we have reputation of the most enduring tests in any reality show, and we plan on not losing that merit medal"

"And what it's the meaning of all the military equipment?" Cody asked as he sat on the floor, next to an olive green jeep. "Don't tell me that we'll be playing war games? Not that I'm complaining, but that would be a bit off the wall"

"I'll not tell you that you'll be playing war games, because this is not a game, it's more than that, it's an expedition through our beloved Island and also the dread Boney Island and all its wildlife and fauna, imagine it like a Possum Scout field trip day" the last words of the sentence dripping with sarcasm

"Curses, Harold was the only possum scout in the show, and now he's living the big life at the playa" Noah retorted as he seats in the passenger seat of the military jeep, reading his book " and I don't like how you said 'field trip day'" one eyebrow rising from its original position in his face.

"You kids, are such party poopers" Chris crossed his arms on his chest "ok, as you can see, you are two teams. One is numerically superior to the other, but the other team has known each other since 3 years ago, so they have more cohesion than you, my campers. But that doesn't matter at this moment, my boys and girls. The reason that we have all this military equipment delivered to us is to put you in the mood of the first contest of this season. It's not just a trek all the way through Wawanakwa, it's like a military crash course, in just one day you will put all your skills to the test, this will be a measuring standard, of how did you entered to this competition… and you can't deny that this will make some fine television". The handsome host gave a small and quick smile to the camera "ok, I need one camper from each team…"

"I have a question, Chris" Kevin stepped forward "don't we get a team name? I mean, we will always be called 'Team Wawanakwa'?"

For the first time in minutes, Chris stood silently and looked off camera, waited for an answer, until he heard something from his earplug "well, in fact… you see, this is funny, because you are Team Lawndale... and oddly enough, your banner color is blue, like the color from your high school, so Brittany doesn't need to use another cheerleading dress".

"Well, that was quick enough even to cause any trouble" Jodie said as she stood up from a nearby bench "at least we will not use the lion as our mascot, didn't you?" Chris looked at her with an apologetic smile as he pressed a button on his remote control which made two banners drop at each side of the stage; one blue with the emblem of a golden lion, and a red one with a beaver in a fighting stance. "He used it…" she just sighed and sat down on the bench again.

"And talking about stereotype, you couldn't pick another animal… a beaver, we can also wear hockey jockeys, eat bacon and talk like Zeke… no offense, prairie boy" Noah stated as Ezekiel just nodded.

"Say, aren't we getting a bit picky?" The host said as all the campers frowned in their respective positions. "But enough talk, I need one camper from each team to come here and take this envelope… let's see, can Kevin and Heather, come forward, If you please?" Said teens walked next to Chris, who handed them their particular envelopes. "in those envelopes are the instructions that have to be seen at a certain hour, and it will have to be completed or it will affect your performance at this competition" The host waved one hand and two interns entered with a scaled model of the island " what we have here is a scaled representation of this camp and its surroundings, most of you might think _'Gee Chris, we were here and we know this place like the palm of our hand, so there's no way to get lost or something like that', _well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news… in fact, nah, I love to see the face of despair that you make after I talk" he snickered and dodged a wet paper that flew in his direction "where was I? oh yeah, I was talking about how we modified the position of all the wildlife, all the caves and trees, even the height and depth of certain parts of the terrain… from the shore it can look like the same island where you live for 8 weeks, but as you make a way into the wilderness, you'll find that you can get lost very easily. And that's the reason that we have made the map that it's been screened right behind me and this model, you will have to learn it, which could help you in your mission" suddenly a flash blinds the handsome host for few seconds.

"Better be prepared and take some pictures of the model" Jane said as he moves and takes pictures of the model from different angles "and I guess that I can work on a decent map, luckily for us, I brought my handy camera" her smile growing "and knowing us, we'll be able to move around this place".

Gwen just smiled. _"I like her style" _she simply thought and began to quickly draw a map, just like Jane.

Chris began to head towards the stage, where Chef Hatchet waited for him; happily for all the campers he was dressed as a Drill Sergeant… and sadly for all the campers, he was dressed as a Drill Sergeant. "Listen up, I'll leave you now with Master Chef Hatchet, he will be giving you a crash course and the rest of the briefing. And I have to attend some issues with the U.S. network that wants to censure this show… and I'll take the tank with me, so, if you're so inclined to go down of it, Izzy". Without warning, the overactive redhead opened the hatch of the tank with a sigh.

"I thought that it was for us to play with!" Izzy pouted and sat on the edge of the metal machine.

"Yes, Izzy" The host sat down next to her "it's property of the camp, but I need it to persuade some blockheads in Atlanta to desist in censor the series… hell, we got to broadcast the catholic joke in Latin America… but that's a dubbed version, and believe me, they made you sound a bit more psycho than you really are".

"Well, that's a relief… at least the people in South America are having a blast with moi" she smiled a bit and with a single back flip she goes down of the tank.

"I guess that's she is the only person that would take those words as a compliment" Daria said as she looked the scene with a small smile

"You think? I would love to be called a psycho, and when they dub this show, I want a cool voice" Jane retorted as she kept drawing the map in her scrapbook and taking pictures of the maps.

"Who know, maybe I will end up sounding like some anime character". Daria responded with sarcasm.

"Or as a CSI agent, from that show… you know… that one…" Jane interjected quickly

"_'I'm Daria Morgendorffer, CSI agent, Now I need you to drop dead and stay that way'_ … yeah, knowing how weird is the world, I'll end up talking like one in Spanish" her Mona Lisa making an appearance.

"ehem…" Chris coughed a little and looked at both. "Ok, where was I? Oh yeah… I was going to board a plane to having a small talk, now I'll let you with Chef" he entered to the tank and began his march to the states, for equality, justice and bleeps, not bad dubbing.

"Listen up, maggots!" Chef blared thru his bullhorn, riding crop in one hand. "I want you all in lined up and prepared in 10 minutes in your attire and equipment, your first competition begins right now, now scram!" and with a trumpet sound coming out of the speakers all the campers swiftly ran to their respective barracks.

"Don't worry, beloved people in front of the screens" Chris said inside the tank, face paint and urban camouflage on "we'll make this a two part episode, because we will have more emotion, explosion and curses than a Vietnam War movie… but we can give a small teaser of the next episode"

* * *

**(Combat Confession Cam – Like R. Lee Ermey on speed)**

**Daria: **_is seated, panting an with her military attire on _"that was impressive, I guess that with the certain amount of rage, you can do miraculous things, like a 20' jump or running a mile without stopping while a sniper shoots you merciless" _she takes the sweat with the sleeve of her jacket _"but overall, it was a good first impression"

**Gwen: **_is seated with her army jacket _"that was the weirdest guard that I have ever seen in any place, even if it was cute, but way too sleepy…" she blushes a little

**Kevin: **"the boat trip to boney island it was creepy… I mean, it's legal to use water mines in these shows?"

**Jane: **_ looks happily surprised _"At first, I couldn't believe when I saw who he was, then I feel that fate has a weird way to make you happy, and to give you opportunities to make your friends a bit uncomfortable… and who the hell was that sniper who followed us through boney island… the little bastard had some good aim" _she rolls up her sleeve and shows a nasty bruise in her right bicep _"can't wait to meet that intern again" _she cracks her knuckles._

_

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A quick reminder

Teams:

Lawndale: Daria, Jane, Tom, Upchuck, Brit, Kevin, Mack, Jodie

TDI: Noah, Gwen, Heather, Izzy, Lindsay, Trent, Bridgette, DJ, Cody, Ezekiel, Duncan

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2º chapter down... a lot more to go. I wrote it while i was checking the bad work of a politician.

Kudos to everyone that inspired this ongoing fic. From the people at outpost daria to the people here at

Loor & Glory to The Kobold Necromancer, who has kind of inspired this one and the other good writers that post their work here


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